The topic of adultery is one that has been on my mind lately for several reasons. I know someone personally whom I will refer to as “Sue” for legal reasons. Sue has been going through a divorce. Sue came to mine and Stephanie’s wedding and while she was at our wedding her husband began sleeping with another woman. It was not just another woman but another man’s wife. It was the wife of a couple friend of theirs. Sue did not find out about the affair her husband was continuing to have with their friends wife for about a year or two. When Sue found out about the affair she went crazy. In the midst of the chaos she was thrown into she decided to get even. Two wrongs never make a right.
She became an adulteress as well. She was still married to her husband and starting sleeping around. First with the husband of the woman, Sue’s husband had cheated with. Then it went on to a string of other people until she settled with one man whom we will call “Sam”. Again the real name is not being used for legal reasons. Sue spiraled deeper into the abyss eventually got hooked on a very nasty drug. Sue had struggled for years with milder drugs and alcohol thanks to her husband and in-laws. Sue was not yet legally divorced from her husband at the time of me writing this. Sam was not divorced from his wife either, plus he was a drug dealer. Sam got Sue hooked on heroin. Before then Sue was quiet happy being a pill popper and a drunk. Sue kept the drug issue secret from her family and many of her friends. She managed to keep it secret for a while. It was when she was waking up from her high and getting out of bed that she discovered Sam on the floor dead as a doornail. That is when she was no longer able to hide her heroin usage. Sam’s lips were blue and he still had the foam around his mouth. Some sources say he OD’d, others say it was a bad batch of heroin cut with rat poison. I don’t know for sure which story is true. I guess in the end it doesn’t really matter that much. The heroin still killed Sam.
Sue said Sam wanted to take it to the edge. He took it to the edge for sure. He took it past the edge and fell off into the abyss of hell. I do not say this to be mean. I pity Sam because his soul is lost. I pity Sue because her life has taken such a bad turn. Sue claims to have hit rock bottom. Rock bottom is better than below rock bottom. Sue is going to have a very hard path to walk now. She will either repent and get cleaned up or she will fail and follow Sam into the abyss. I hope and pray that she will repent and get cleaned up. I do love Sue and do not want her to fall into the abyss. I normally would not publish such a story on my blog because it would be considered gossip. However I share this story for two reasons. The first and main reason is to give a lesson about the dangers of physical adultery and adultery of the heart.
The second reason is to give this short simple message that I will give right now: Do not start taking drugs. Just say no to drugs! Drugs will destroy your life. Drugs will cause you and your loved ones a lot of pain and sorrow. The actions of Sue has deeply hurt in the emotional sense my family and her children from her husband.
Of course I mention her husband because as my regular readers will understand I do not support divorce and remarriage. My blog titled “Does God Hate Divorce?” speaks of my views on divorce and remarriage. This blog will only briefly mention those views. If you have not already read that blog I encourage you to read it after you read this blog. It is more on par with advanced biblical studies than for beginners. Here is the link to that blog:
The story of Sue and Sam is something that has strong imagery to use in this lesson. Sadly even though I am using cute fake names, this story is incredibly sad and true. The cute names are helping me not to cry. I had been reading a few chapters in Proverbs on Saturdays after our Shabbat Torah study in private. In particular a few verses from Proverbs 5 really grab my attention in regards to the story of Sue and Sam.
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
For the lips of an adulteress drip honey And smoother than oil is her speech;
But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death, Her steps take hold of Sheol.
She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it.
These four verses are meant as a metaphor obviously. It doesn’t mean a literal death but a spiritual death. However when Sue got out of bed death was literally at her feet. The dead soul had taken the journey to Sheol. Sheol can be interpreted as the abyss or hell or destruction. Typically in jewish tradition it is an in between place similar to purgatory. Sue never pondered the other paths that she could have taken. Sue viewed that she had only one option and that was revenge. She did not see that her ways were unstable at all. She thought that was the most stable and normal thing a person could do. We do not know why she felt that way. She was raised better than that. She even proclaims that Sam is in “a better place”. First off he was sleeping with another man’s wife, while he was married to another woman. Secondly he killed himself by injecting heroin into his veins. He died in an unsaved state. It is sad when someone cracks hell wide open but I refuse to say he is in “a better place”.
Sue literally embodied this proverbial adulteress. Her lips dripped with honey and her speech was smoother than oil. She convinced everyone that she was a victim (and she was in the beginning) but then the truth came out that she was just as bad, if not worse than her husband. The wool that she had pulled over everyone’s eyes was the honey and oil. Her true lifestyle was as bitter as wormwood (wormwood is a bitter tasting poison) and as sharp and dangerous as a two edged sword. When she awoke from her bed death was literally at her feet and the dead person had taken the journey to sheol. She never pondered the path of life she was on and was seriously unstable. Sue never realizing how unstable she really was. I know I slightly repeated myself but I grieve over the path Sue has taken.
This is the most extreme case of anyone I have personally known. What about other cases of adultery? Also how does adultery begin? Let us go to the beginning stages of adultery that is spoke of in Matthew 5:27-30:
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.
The adultery of the heart sin is something I personally believe has been taught wrong in most churches. I do believe adultery of the heart is the first steps in committing adultery of the flesh. That is something I think we can all agree on. One must become aroused and lust after a man or woman before having consensual sex with them. However my next train of thought is where a lot of people are going to disagree with me. I do not believe it is adultery of the heart when a young unmarried man lusts after his young unmarried girlfriend and vice versa. I believe adultery of the heart is when you lust after a married woman that you are not married too. It also occurs when a married woman lusts after a man she is not married too. This can get complicated on many levels that I am not going to get into at this time. I will go into a few levels though.
It is clear that if two people are in a monogamous relationship lusting for people outside of the marriage bed it is adultery of the heart. However for single people, only lusting after someone who is married makes you an adulterer of the heart. That does not mean you can look at pornographic images or videos of single people and be okay. The majority of churches do preach that young men lusting after their girlfriends is the same thing as adultery. They fail to factor in the tenth commandment in Exodus 20:17:
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife or his male servant or his female servant or his ox or his donkey or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
It is often shortened to “Thou Shall Not Covet”. Covet means to yearn to possess or have something. If you are lusting after your neighbor’s wife, you are coveting your neighbors wife. Thus by coveting her body, you are committing adultery of the heart. If you are married and are lusting after one you are not married to, you are coveting a woman that does not belong to you. If you are single and lust after women you cannot marry that is adultery of the heart. That is because they have to belong to someone else if you cannot marry them. That also classifies as vain imaginations. It is not okay to look at or watch pornography because it is vain imaginations and a big waste of productive time. Even if they (single celebrities, porn stars or whoever) are not yet married they are destined for someone else. It is a vain imagining that should be suppressed. However if a young single man who is courting a young single woman begins to lust after his girlfriend, he is not committing adultery of the heart. The urge is natural but precautions must be taken. They should arrange to be married and the young couple should wait to have sexual relations until they are married. They should also take precautions against the possibility of lusting after one another. The young lady should always dress modestly to prevent the young man from sinning. They should agree to not be alone together and to not touch one another until the wedding night when the marriage is consummated.
That kind of behavior is frowned upon in modern American society. However that is the way things used to be and that is the way they still should be. Monogamy is a gift from YHWH our Elohim. Sexual relations is a wedding gift from YHWH our Elohim. If the gift is taken outside of marriage then it is a sin. The fact of the matter is there is a difference between “cultural marxism” and “feminism”. Cultural marxism is when women blame men for all the woes in the world. While they (cultural marxist) dress and act like nothing more than a possession that wants to be used. Cultural marxism truly degrades the female of the human species to that of a female animal. True feminism is when women dress and act in a modest fashion. Their behavior says I am more than an object, I am a person and refuse to dress like a whore. They realize that submission is not a burden but a virtue. They realize the highest calling they spiritually have is to be a wife and mother. To raise and instill values in their children. All in hopes that the children can have a better life and that the nation can have better future. True feminism is the idea that even though there is a power structure within a family unit, the father and mother are still equal with the wife being the helpmate (not the slave) of the husband.
In orthodox jewish communities married women wear a head covering to prevent an accidental sin. For example: Causing a man to mistake her for a single woman and to begin coveting her. When the head is covered and used as a sign of marriage there is no “Opps! I didn’t see her wedding ring”. It is in your face that she is married and you are less likely to spend time talking with this woman. Cultural marxist view this kind of behavior as anti-feminism or oppressive. However it takes true feminism to say that the wife is the spiritually stronger person and has a duty to make sure men are not falling into sin. As the stronger person it is their duty to dress and act modestly. If a woman dresses immodestly or like a whore, they are advertising themselves as a piece of meat wanting to be used. Even if that is not the message they mean to give, it IS the message they are sending.
However when the churches make young men and women feel that their desires are unnatural and sinful. They feel that they are doomed to commit that sin. They feel little desire to combat that sin. I have been in church buildings where the women dressed more appropriately serving food at a restaurant than they did in the church building. Women who dress in clothes that reveal skin, ARE causing men to sin. The skin and hair is for the marriage bed and they are leading men into sin because they are the spiritually stronger sex acting in a perverse manner. I came to understand all of this during my studies. The word for woman in Matthew 5:28 is the greek word “Gune” pronounced “goo-nay” it can mean either “all women” or “a betrothed/married woman”. Since adultery is sexual immorality with a married person. It has to mean lusting after another mans wife. Meaning that coveting another man’s wife is in fact adultery. Any monogamous couple that is not free to marry other people are in fact committing adultery even if they lust after a single person. I have already covered the topic of lust for young single never married couples in this article.
The act of lusting while in a monogamous relationship leads people down the path to commit physical adultery. After a while the lusting grows old and a more powerful fix is needed, much like Sam and his compulsion for heroin. Eventually the lust overtakes the married person and physical adultery is committed. The physical adultery ends up hurting their spouse and everyone involved. The act of being cheated on can cause people who are already wound tight, to snap and do something stupid like Sue. It can cause divorce, broken homes, and many people have committed the act of murder because of marital infidelity. It can cause too many things to list. Adultery is listed in the ten commandments because it was so important to keep away from it. Keeping the commandments gives us a better life in all areas.
Coveting/lusting after another mans wife is included in the ten commandments because of the serious repercussions it can have. Yeshua was just giving the proper interpretation of not just the Torah but the terms of the covenant, “the ten commandments”. We must guard ourselves against immorality. If we see scantly clad women, we men must make a strong effort to look away. Even I find it hard to look away from the “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition” in the checkout line but I look away even when it is not easy. For true believers who are women, you have a responsibility to dress appropriately because the sin of these men whom you cause to lust will be on your head too. I encourage you to dress modestly and wear a head covering. You can even use the head covering as a conversation starter about your faith and belief system. Do not look at it as a burden. Look upon it as a sign of your spiritual strength, job and destiny. Just be careful not to become prideful over your strength because pride always comes before the fall.
Let us be the generation that breaks the chains of bondage to this immoral counter culture movement! It is possible because Yeshua is with us every step of the way and He conquered death! He will make it possible if we dedicate our lives to Him! Let us make our sole purpose to serve him!